Of politicians, social media and personal branding

 

Your personal branding probably sucks. Mine, too, apparently.

A few days ago I received a message on LinkedIn from a kind soul who contacted me all the way from Spain. Senor Antonio mentioned my various posts and profile on the platform, and offered to help me improve my personal branding.

LinkedIn is a social media platform for working professionals. It’s basically Facebook for people who think they’re important because they have a job title. But otherwise, it’s just as annoying.

LinkedIn is owned by Microsoft, so it’s part of billionaire Bill Gates’ agenda to control the world, of which the main components are supposedly vaccines, putting microchips inside everybody and inventing better toilets. Gates must be an expert on toilets, given that’s where most of his software apparently came from. Be careful of that fella.

I replied to Antonio, admitting that my personal branding sucks and that it’s beyond help. In reality it’s because I was afraid he would be sending me a bill for his services. That wouldn’t do well against a critical part of my branding – which is that I’m cheap.

Helping people improve their personal branding is big business. The big and powerful (and the wannabes) want to create a great personal brand so they can sell themselves better to their intended targets – customers, employers, electorates or whoever holds something of value that they covet.

Here I need to give credit to our politicians. Almost without exception, every single one of them has refused help from such gurus to boost their personal branding.

Kudos to them for not making any effort to hide their manipulative, duplicitous selves. This obviously requires lots of courage and integrity. But they know there’ll be plenty of time to be social media heroes when the next government parachutes in and kicks them out of office.

Unfortunately, now I’ll never know what areas I need to fix to improve my own personal branding. The stingy part of me is clearly a huge part of my branding. I could’ve accepted some free help, but that would just confirm the stingy part of my branding, so what else is new?

The other part of my branding is I hate listening to people shouting. They shout because they’re trying to suppress their inner voice which is telling them “…you are an insecure hypocritical d**k”.

Hence why I speak softly, because I have no insecurities and I am not afraid to listen to my inner voice. That’s obviously a big lie, but that’s what personal branding is mostly about.

Such loud people should look deeply inwards, listen to their inner voice, admit to their pathetic self-deception, and join politics. They can also set up their own political party. I am happy to help.

But as a gesture of my generosity (a core part of my current personal branding) and intelligence (will be a June upgrade in V 3.11 of my branding), with all humility (a recent update to V 2.05), here are some tips on how to create or improve your personal branding.

1. Take a nice head shot of yourself, with a camera! For those of you who’re still alive, put “intelligent” somewhere in your list.
2. Be on social media. However, Myspace, Friendster and IRC don’t count. If you are over 60, show you are still keeping up with the times by being on something new and cool like TikTok.
3. Connect with everybody on social media. Start all your posts with “Connect with me on ….” and end with it too. Buy connections if necessary (yes, it’s necessary).
4. Hire Russian bots to reshare all your social media posts. If you can’t afford them there are many ex-Umno cybertroopers available cheaply. The one who came up with the “BossKu” viral phenomenon, however, is expensive and only accepts payment in US dollars.
5. Be genuine. Fake it until you no longer know what is or isn’t genuine anymore.
6. At some point, close your social media accounts because you are saddened by how bitter and divisive things have become. Sort out your political or financial troubles, then come back again with a new personal brand under your company’s account.
7. Lie about your background and experiences. Make claims that are not easy to check … I have six million connections on Friendster! I am Bossku’s Special Officer! I am Makcik Kiah!
8. Be everywhere. Put your face up on roadside billboards advertising halal cosmetics and sign yourself “Adzhar Ibrahim, Selebriti”.
9. Don’t repeat yourself. Always come up with something new, fresh and relevant.
10. Don’t repeat yourself.

Connect with me through #NotHypocriticalDicks. Like and share this post. I am exiting this platform soon because it has become so negative and divisive. See you soon on #AdzharIbrahimSelebriti. Buena suerte everybody! - FMT

The views expressed are those of the writer and do not necessarily reflect those of MMKtT.

✍ Credit given to the original owner of this post : ☕ Malaysians Must Know the TRUTH

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