Announcing the new political party, Semua Saya Sapu

 

I am now retired, and contemplating politics. Not the ones in the corporate offices. They are already packed with full-time politicians, I wouldn’t stand a chance. I love academia too, but wouldn’t be able to survive there either. I’ve heard the politics there is especially vicious because the stakes are so small.

Good old political politics is what’s left for me. Therefore, I am examining my options.

I can join a political party. But I’ve never joined one before, and I hate filling up forms (I heard they can fill them out for you) and paying dues (I heard they can do that for you too) and attending meetings and demonstrations (ditto…).

For all I know, I may already be a member of a political party or two. So, joining a political party is out.

I can start an NGO. But if I start an NGO, I’d have to do all the form-filling, dues-paying and attending meetings as well as demonstrations for all my “members” myself. So, that’s out too.

I would have to start my own political party then. First order of business is choosing a party symbol. All the nice ones (eagle, teapot) are taken, and only a few not-so-attractive ones are left. I don’t want a tongue depressor as my party’s symbol, so I’d have to settle on the speeding Myvi symbol. The Registrar of Societies wasn’t happy to see that go: the next one, a squatting toilet bowl, may always remain untaken.

I would have loved a frog as a symbol. That symbol, however, has been retired for being so overused (though there’s special approval for use in Sabah by popular demand). And a Mercedes car symbol is reserved for a Kelantan-based party.

I apparently need a party name too. Did you know you can’t just call your party the Party? As in “come to my Party”? Or “let’s have a Party”? Or “great Party this”?

Wanting to bring about change to our political landscape – you know, honesty and integrity and all that rubbish – I want to start right by being brutally frank and honest.

I don’t want to be a hypocrite who speaks sweet stuff when campaigning, and then turns into a greedy, ungrateful, manipulative lowlife when elected. For me, no lies, no misrepresentation, no hypocrisy.

My party shall be called the Semua Saya Sapu Party (or 3S Party), loosely translated into Malaysian English as All Also I Whack Party. I thought of Semua Saya Taroh (SST), but apparently that has bad branding in the current political environment. Party Kemakmuran dan Perihatinan (PKP) also doesn’t work, for some reason.

Next is money. I will need lots of money to get the party machinery (and the parties) going. Since I have to pay the dues for all my party members (and fill up their damned forms too), I’d need to be rolling in dough. I can do a combination of crowdfunding, charitable foundation, and donation from a rich Middle Eastern country.

I would publish a manifesto (I like that word, it sounds grand and slightly dangerous) and run on a platform of full integrity, love, trust and honesty. I’d wallow in this and spread it everywhere at the next general election, assuming the state of emergency is ever lifted.

Given that everything in Malaysia is race-based, I’d need to find a race to protect and represent. Since all the major races are already well represented, and since multiracial parties are illegal (I surmise, though I could be wrong), I have chosen a sizeable unrepresented segment – Malaysians who are second wives.

You are welcome to start your own party too. I’d suggest you start one to represent Malaysians with questionable datukships. It’s a sizeable and growing demographic. And the Registrar of Societies has a symbol already waiting for you.

Anyway, back to my party. I’d also get volunteers to work for free and to give me their Employees’ Provident Fund savings because they really believe in my mission. They know the hardship is just temporary until I am elected, get into a position of power and put them all in the Cabinet.

Then Semua Saya Sapu. - FMT

The views expressed are those of the writer and do not necessarily reflect those of MMKtT.

✍ Credit given to the original owner of this post : ☕ Malaysians Must Know the TRUTH

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