Budget deficit? Let’s just get the Vellfire

 

Traffic was hell in Jakarta when I lived and worked there.

I had a meeting at the airport once. After the meeting, my colleague boarded the flight to Kuala Lumpur while I took a cab back to the city centre.

A few hours later, I got a message that my colleague had landed in KLIA and made her way home to Port Dickson. Good for her, but I was still stuck in traffic trying to enter the city!

Traffic jams in Jakarta were legendary. It’s probably still bad even now as new roads are immediately swamped by even more new vehicles.

The king of the road among movers and shakers there is the Toyota Vellfire, a luxurious, prestigious and comfortable people carrier.

I made the point last week that Malaysia trails Indonesia in many areas. The latest decision to give Vellfires to our politicians is clearly another example, but at least here we’re merely recognising that Indonesians may know a thing or two about the usefulness of such vehicles.

Given how many ministers we have, Toyota will need to start a third shift, reopen an old plant and divert deliveries to meet the demand. Boy, aren’t the Indonesians gonna be mad when their supply of Vellfires is diverted to Malaysia. Maaf ya, Pak!

And this is even before the Cabinet decides to give cars to deputy ministers as well. Toyota will need a new factory if they’re chosen, subject to the government selecting the parliamentary constituency it should be in, and of course the 51% Bumiputera equity rule.

If Toyota is conducting market research for the name of these new cars, the current trending names, in keeping up with their branding DNA, are Vrimstone, Verdition and Vamnation, names which are vaunted, venerated and vouchsafed, but not vulgar nor vainglorious.

Somebody suggested Kereta Keluarga Malaysia, KKM. But KKM also stands for the Ministry of Health Malaysia. Some sick people may think it’s an ambulance…or even a hearse. Eeeewwww!

The Vellfires are apparently cheaper than the current ministerial cars, the Proton Perdana which, by the way, given that they are ministerial cars, should’ve been named Proton Perdana Menteri.

The Cabinet decision on the Vellfire was actually an easy one. After considering the current economic conditions, the huge budget deficit, the debts we’re leaving to our children, and the number of people flying white flags, the ministers raised their fingers and voted yes.

They’re sending a strong message to the rakyat that hey, it’s business as usual. New official cars must be bought, official residences must be renovated, Special Advisers must be appointed, money we don’t have must be spent.

There was strong opposition initially from the Kelantanese members of the Cabinet, who argued that federal ministers in Vellfires would look “low class” compared to the Kelantan state exco members in Mercedes-Benz sedans, and hence would have to break even more traffic rules to make up for the slight.

A small number of hotheads argued it would be an insult to the rakyat to do this at such a historically tough time as now, and that we should save money and not be blind to the people’s suffering. But luckily more reasonable heads prevailed.

The Vellfire comes with a plush interior and darkened windows, convenient for ignoring the white flags they might see here and there, but still clear enough to identify the moon, sun or keris or whatever is on their own flag.

It can also accommodate quite a number of people who need to meet and discuss toppling political rivals, the state, or maybe even the federal government. I’m sure the vehicles come with WiFi and facilities to make coffee for the long nights.

The jury is still out whether Vellfire sales will boom or bust because of this. Many feel it’s become an aspirational brand, and now every Mat Rempit and Grab rider will dream of trading in their Myvi (or maybe their whole village) to get one.

In Indonesia, however, Toyota is bracing for a massive drop in sales as they expect demand to plummet among uppity Indonesians who might feel embarrassed to be seen in a vehicle used by Malaysian politicians.

I’m waiting for the inevitable controversy because of its name.

Some learned religious leaders will point out the name Vellfire is too close to “hellfire”, which is what God has promised to people who behave badly on earth. They can’t be allowed to confuse the Muslims of Malaysia.

On my part, I’d suggest instead an old and traditional Malay name for the vehicle, something natural, sustainable and celebrated in songs and lore and certainly agreeable to all Malaysians. Toyota Kereta Lembu. You are welcome.

To the many Malaysians wondering why are we spending millions when our next annual budget deficit is approaching a hundred billion, the answer is simple – millions mean nothing when we’re short of billions – so enjoy life while we can.

These cars are after all in the massive “Dan Lain Lain” chapter on page 991 of the 2022 budget. From there go to section “Dan Lain Lain”, then clause “Dan Lain Lain”, then para “Dan Lain Lain” and line “Dan Lain Lain”. There they’re listed under “Office Supplies”.

I used to manage company cars and the fragile egos that come with them. I got fed up and gave people cash allowances instead and told them to buy and drive (or not buy and not drive) whatever cars they wished, and to stop bothering me about them.

Someone asked what if all these important people started coming to work on bicycles? I said as long as they deliver whatever they’re supposed to deliver, I don’t care what they drive or ride.

A cash allowance plus an interest-free loan would have worked nicely. Many would have continued using their own cars or bought themselves something decent. After one year as a minister, and with political donations, they’d be able to buy any luxury car they wished.

Should there ever be an appropriate car for the important post of minister? Or even any car at all? Given the “servant” in the “public servant” description of their job, I’d say they should drive their own cars. After all, it’s not like we’re asking ministers to ride the subway or a bicycle like they do in Europe.

Anyway, for now, look out for black Toyota Vellfires on the road. I am planning to get one and enjoy the respect and the bodek wherever I go, except of course, in Indonesia. I’ll get the windows so darkened I won’t see you or any pesky flags, white or otherwise, out there.

Don’t worry, you won’t have to pay anything for my car as it will be my private purchase.

You’ll be happy to know you won’t have to pay anything for the government ministerial cars either.

Your children will. - FMT

The views expressed are those of the writer and do not necessarily reflect those of MMKtT.

✍ Credit given to the original owner of this post : ☕ Malaysians Must Know the TRUTH

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