6 experts share the worst piece of relationship advice they’ve ever heard
Business Insider recently published a roundup of the best relationship advice real people have ever heard.
We learned that love isn’t enough for a solid relationship and that it’s important to pick and choose your battles. Helpful stuff.
Then we started to wonder: What’s the most obviously bad relationship advice out there? The advice that’s either outdated or never made any sense in the first place?
So we turned to a series of experts — including a biological anthropologist and a marriage and family therapist — to find out.
Below, we’ve rounded up six pieces of advice that you’ve probably heard, but that you definitely shouldn’t be taking to heart (pun intended).
‘If you’re fighting, your relationship is in trouble’
“It’s not that you fight, but how you fight that determines the health and happiness of a relationship. If you never fight or disagree with your partner, one of you may be harboring resentments.
“And, while I’m talking about fighting … the piece of advice that drives me crazy is, ‘Never go to bed angry.’ In fact, sometimes a good night’s sleep is exactly what you need to think more clearly and fight right.”
— Andrea Syrtash, relationship expert and author of “He’s Just Not Your Type (And That’s a Good Thing)“
‘Cyber snooping can save you from choosing the wrong partner’
“First off, if someone gives you this advice, take a look at the quality of that person’s relationship before you choose to follow in their footsteps.
“If you cannot trust your partner, then you’ve already chosen the wrong one. The bigger question is why you are attracted to a person whom you do not trust. Put simply, snooping destroys trust, which is the foundation of a healthy relationship.”
— Emyli Lovz, dating coach
‘In order for a relationship to work, it has to be magic right from the start’
“Or really that it has to be anything. Often when people give advice, they’re telling you what’s true for them.
“And the lesson I learned interviewing hundreds of couples is that there’s no one way that love unfolds — or is sustained.
“Some people fall in love at first sight. Others sit next to the same person at the office for years and feel nothing — until, one day, they do.
“The advice I’d give people is to really learn to listen to themselves. And if an answer isn’t immediately apparent, check in with your body. I once heard a yoga instructor say that your head can lie to you, but your body never will. I’ve found that to invariably true and useful in all areas of life — especially relationships.”
— Ellen McCarthy, Washington Post reporter and author of “The Real Thing“
‘Honesty is always the best policy’
“There’s a difference between telling an important truth your partner needs to know and making insensitive remarks that are technically truthful but will only hurt them.
“There’s also a difference between major deception and the ‘white lies’ everyone tells to spare another person’s feelings. Speaking truth that needlessly wounds your partner’s self-esteem will only make them defensive or provoke them to say something unkind in return.
“Sometimes it’s better to be tactful than completely honest.”
— Joseph Burgo, psychotherapist and author of “The Narcissist You Know“
‘You are supposed to meet one other’s needs’
“That is the most horrific piece of advice I can imagine. Because what that means is that you are a needy person, and you need the other person to express their neediness to you.
“And our relationship is going to be built on each other’s willingness and ability to meet the neediness of the other, which just sounds to me like two ticks without a dog, just sucking the life out of each other.
“That is not a recipe for a good relationship. … When’s the last time you respected an emotionally needy person, much less found them attractive? …
“I don’t need my wife, which frees me up to want her. I want her. I could do life without her; I don’t want to do life without her.”
— Hal Runkel, marriage and family therapist and author of “Choose Your Own Adulthood“
Read more about wanting your partner instead of needing them here.
‘Don’t accept a Saturday night date after Wednesday’
“Nonsense. Women worry that they will appear desperate. But most men won’t see it that way.
“They often just don’t plan ahead. And most will simply be relieved that the woman has said yes — no matter when they ask.
“Men fall in love faster and more often than women. Give them a chance — even if it’s last minute. Cupid has no patience with coy head games.”
— Helen Fisher, biological anthropologist and author of “The Anatomy of Love“
Read more stories on Business Insider, Malaysian edition of the world’s fastest-growing business and technology news website.
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